On my last post, someone left a comment that sort of rubbed me the wrong way. It was anonymous, but it basically was saying that I needed to acknowledge that I was growing up now and nothing was going to be handed to me anymore like it once was. And, I should let my parents into my life and stop pushing them away because I can't, "do this alone."
I deleted the comment.
I deleted it not because I didn't want people to see it, or because I don't appreciate criticism, but because it was completely irrelevant to anything I had wrote in that post. For the record, anonymous person, I live with my mom. I also work for her. She is very involved in my life, more so than she was a year ago. That wasn't necessarily my choice or her choice, it was just the way the past year had unfolded. I visit with my dad when I can, and talk to him often. I also work with him in the winter time.
On another note, I know I'm growing up and no longer in high school, hence the name of my blog being, "The Grown-Up Experience." I understand that I am not sixteen. I am a few months shy of turning 20, but compared to many of the people I grew up with, I feel more like I'm 20 going on 30. I pay my half of the rent, as well as the internet and phone bill. My mom takes up her half of the rent, and the TV. I also own my car. I work practically everyday, with the exception of the two days I attend college, full time, which I also pay for.
I'm not writing this to brag about how much I do and pay for. I'm not even writing this to prove the anonymous commenter wrong. After reading what they had said though, it made me start to think. There's a handful - actually, the majority - of people who I graduated high school with, who I haven't seen since we graduated. I keep up with them for the most part on Facebook, but what does Facebook really tell you?
Oh, they ate the best pizza they ever had at some restaurant in Connecticut.
They went to a huge party on Saturday, and were tagged in 27 photos from it.
They just got a tattoo of a four leaf clover, or their astrological sign.
This is all interesting information, but not necessarily valuable. I just wonder sometimes how people are, what they're studying, and if they are truly enjoying school. I wonder if people even know I dropped out of school after a month of being there. I also wonder if they know I moved out and live on my own, with my mom as more of my room mate than anything else. Do they know that I went back to college? Do they even care?
I feel much of my blog refers to when I dropped out of college, but I also like to focus on that I went back. My last post was a lot of rambling and emotions. This blog is basically my public diary. It can be raw at times, and make no sense at all, but that's because sometimes my mind doesn't either. Sometimes, I don't understand why I feel the way I feel so I try and write it down to better understand it. I have always been that way. There are times when I feel like I have failed and still am failing because I came back to the familiarity of my hometown. But so what? Just because I'm not at a traditional college, where you live in a dorm and get fucked up every weekend, that must mean I am doing it wrong.
No.
That is why I write posts like this and keep this blog. It reminds me that I am not failing, but it's okay to feel at times like I am. I might be different than your average almost 20 year old, and have more anxiety about my life than most, but it's okay. I put my pants on feet first, just like everybody else. (I think that's a saying, isn't it?) So I suppose I should thank the anonymous commenter, because although the content of your comment on my last post was irrelevant to anything I had said, it served a purpose to this post. Thank you for the inspiration.
I have class in an hour, and I'm actually quite excited about it. It's called, "Writing the Short Story."
I might be at a Community College where there are no sports teams or clubs and organizations, but I enjoy the classes that are offered and am happy with the education I am receiving.
Also, I just paid for my Fall Semester. It was $26, after my financial aid which consists of not one single student loan.
Breathe, Paige, you're doing just fine.
