I'm one of "those people" who reads a lot of books.
And when I say a lot, I mean like I would rather not speak to anyone for an entire afternoon and just read a 500 page novel.
Since I moved to the boonies, I don't have internet, cable, or cell phone service. That said, I have been spending my days and nights ripping through books.
And loving every second of it.
I'm a total bookworm; I don't deny it. One day last week, I read two books. One being My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult and Tiny, Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. The first one lengths in 400+ pages whereas the second maybe around 250 pages. So we're looking at 650+ pages of words that were processed into my brain in one day.
And yet.
For Christmas, my best friend Ben Rathman gave me this book I'd been asking for. I fell in love with the lyrical and poetic quotes from it I had seen on the internet.
"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once."
"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."
And yet!
I dove into The Fault In Our Stars, by John Green, the minute it was handed to me. My brain was yearning to drink in the beautiful words this man had crafted. As a New York Times Best Seller, I knew it would be better than I thought.
And yet, at first, it wasn't.
I found myself thoroughly disappointed with the quirky and smart-ass language of the main characters. I felt like their humor was fake, and not what seventeen-year-olds would actually be saying, thinking or doing. My head was puzzled how John Green reached the status of a New York Times Best Selling Author with this novel. I was sad.
But I didn't give up on it. I kept reading, in hopes it would unfold into a beautiful teenage love story of this girl with terminal cancer and her gorgeous boyfriend who never gave up on her. And it was, but it wasn't grabbing me like the books I read usually do. I set the novel down for a few weeks. I came back to it in February, and set it down again for awhile. Today, I picked it up again.
I'm one of those people who doesn't cry in moments when crying makes sense. Funerals, graduations, sad movies. Nope, I'm one of those lifeless robots who sits there and looks like a heartless moron because my tear ducts refuse to work.
But tonight, I finished it. And tonight, for the first time, I cried while reading a book. I felt the tears start to burn in the back of my eyes around chapter twenty. By the time I reached chapter twenty-four, there they were. Full fledged waterworks; running mascara down my cheeks and all.
When I came to the ending, I was surprised it was over. It didn't seem like a normal place to end. But finally, after I re-read the last page, I understood why this novel was so loved and so... GOOD. I felt guilty for doubting it in those first few weeks of reading, and the months I neglected it. I can only be thankful that I decided to pick it up and finish it, because it turned out to be as beautiful and wonderful as I originally anticipated it to be.
If you are reading this and feeling somewhat disappointed because this post is unlike my others, sorry. But, if you're reading this and understanding... all I can say is, Book Nerds, UNITE.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
Life Guide
Somebody should write a guide to life, and each stage can have it's own section, with sub-chapters on the different paths you can take.
Chapter 1: Childhood from infancy through age 11: Don't eat the glue. Be a tom-boy. Invite everyone in your grade to your birthday party. Be nice to your babysitter. Play sports. Enjoy nap time, because soon it will be gone. Let everyone see your big, toothless smile.
Chapter 2: Age 12 through age 14: Remember that the friends you have now probably won't end up being the friends you have forever. Don't stuff your bra. Makeup doesn't make you beautiful. Keep up on your school work because it creates positive work habits. Try not to hate your parents yet, especially since you haven't even started learning to drive which is where the hatred really begins. That boy who just broke your heart is only the first of many. That boy's heart whose you just broke is also only the first of many.
Chapter 3: Age 15 through age 17: High school doesn't entitle you to be a snob. Makeup still doesn't make you beautiful. Be nice to the girl you had a falling out with in middle school, for everyone has their own struggles, including you. Try not to hate your parents when you're learning to drive because they are probably hating you just as much. Don't date the senior boy no matter how hot he is. Drinking and smoking pot doesn't make you cool, so don't feel like you have to do it. Don't drop out of high school, even though you want to more than anything. Don't get pregnant. Shakespeare is actually beautiful, and one day you will realize it. Don't spread rumors if you don't want rumors spread about you. Join different clubs and meet different people. Allow your talents to shine. Don't challenge the asshole teacher who singles you out because they don't like you. Be kind to everyone, but trust nobody.
Chapter 4: Age 18: You are legally an adult but that doesn't mean you have it all figured out. Go ahead and buy the cigarettes because you can. The broom closet in aylakai isn't all it's cracked up to be, but go in anyway. Apply to college, even if you don't go, it doesn't hurt to apply. Get a job because you'll need the money in the next few years. Don't get arrested because now you can really screw your life up. Senioritis is inevitable just try to fight it as long as you can. Don't date the junior boy no matter how hot he is because you'll end up breaking his heart. Makeup still doesn't make you beautiful, but it's acceptable now because you're old enough to wear it. If you haven't already you should buy a car. Thank all the teachers who helped you and apologize to all the teachers you were rude to. Don't wish your youth away because once it's gone, it's gone.
Chapter 5: Age 19 through 22: This is where the paths start taking place, either you're in college, on your own, or living at home still. Remember that you don't have to know all the answers, but you're going to be frustrated that you don't. Work hard at everything you do, whether that's in school or at your job. If you're still on your parent's couch, get your ass up and get a job or get in school. Even though you're out of high school, still don't get pregnant; you have a lot of life to live still. Travel. Try new food and meet new people. Stay in touch with the high school friends worth staying in touch with. If you have a boyfriend, fall in love with him. If you don't have a boyfriend, that isn't an excuse to slut around; stay classy. Drinking and smoking pot still doesn't make you cool, but you're going to do at least one of those so don't get caught and don't make it a priority. Keep looking forward, because sometimes you're going to feel really lost and really scared. Remember, you are the creator of your own happiness and future. Make it happen.
Chapter 6 and beyond: I'll let ya know when I get there.
Chapter 1: Childhood from infancy through age 11: Don't eat the glue. Be a tom-boy. Invite everyone in your grade to your birthday party. Be nice to your babysitter. Play sports. Enjoy nap time, because soon it will be gone. Let everyone see your big, toothless smile.
Chapter 2: Age 12 through age 14: Remember that the friends you have now probably won't end up being the friends you have forever. Don't stuff your bra. Makeup doesn't make you beautiful. Keep up on your school work because it creates positive work habits. Try not to hate your parents yet, especially since you haven't even started learning to drive which is where the hatred really begins. That boy who just broke your heart is only the first of many. That boy's heart whose you just broke is also only the first of many.
Chapter 3: Age 15 through age 17: High school doesn't entitle you to be a snob. Makeup still doesn't make you beautiful. Be nice to the girl you had a falling out with in middle school, for everyone has their own struggles, including you. Try not to hate your parents when you're learning to drive because they are probably hating you just as much. Don't date the senior boy no matter how hot he is. Drinking and smoking pot doesn't make you cool, so don't feel like you have to do it. Don't drop out of high school, even though you want to more than anything. Don't get pregnant. Shakespeare is actually beautiful, and one day you will realize it. Don't spread rumors if you don't want rumors spread about you. Join different clubs and meet different people. Allow your talents to shine. Don't challenge the asshole teacher who singles you out because they don't like you. Be kind to everyone, but trust nobody.
Chapter 4: Age 18: You are legally an adult but that doesn't mean you have it all figured out. Go ahead and buy the cigarettes because you can. The broom closet in aylakai isn't all it's cracked up to be, but go in anyway. Apply to college, even if you don't go, it doesn't hurt to apply. Get a job because you'll need the money in the next few years. Don't get arrested because now you can really screw your life up. Senioritis is inevitable just try to fight it as long as you can. Don't date the junior boy no matter how hot he is because you'll end up breaking his heart. Makeup still doesn't make you beautiful, but it's acceptable now because you're old enough to wear it. If you haven't already you should buy a car. Thank all the teachers who helped you and apologize to all the teachers you were rude to. Don't wish your youth away because once it's gone, it's gone.
Chapter 5: Age 19 through 22: This is where the paths start taking place, either you're in college, on your own, or living at home still. Remember that you don't have to know all the answers, but you're going to be frustrated that you don't. Work hard at everything you do, whether that's in school or at your job. If you're still on your parent's couch, get your ass up and get a job or get in school. Even though you're out of high school, still don't get pregnant; you have a lot of life to live still. Travel. Try new food and meet new people. Stay in touch with the high school friends worth staying in touch with. If you have a boyfriend, fall in love with him. If you don't have a boyfriend, that isn't an excuse to slut around; stay classy. Drinking and smoking pot still doesn't make you cool, but you're going to do at least one of those so don't get caught and don't make it a priority. Keep looking forward, because sometimes you're going to feel really lost and really scared. Remember, you are the creator of your own happiness and future. Make it happen.
Chapter 6 and beyond: I'll let ya know when I get there.
Monday, March 18, 2013
I Like the Second Option Better
I feel that when someone tells you that you're something you know you're not, it still sticks to you. Like a hot fresh brand, the words are permanently engraved on your skin, causing an eternal hurt and irritation. Even if the wound is covered up from the outside world, you still know it's there. It might scab over, begin to fade and maybe even disappear, but other times it stays as a permanent scar; a constant reminder of what somebody thinks about you.
Failure
Unsuccessful
Stupid
Disappointment
Those are just a handful of the newly uninvited tattoos I was given last week. In the midst of being informed this is what someone thought of me, I knew it was untrue, but that didn't make the blow any less painful. All week I started my day thinking of those four words. They became my daily repetition of insults on my own personal being. The words just floated around in my skull like a dog that never stops barking; loud, uncontrollable, and obnoxious as hell.
I wish I could say that I had some revelation and figured out how to kick the words out of my ears, but I haven't. They've quieted, I can say that much, but there is still that person sitting there in the back of my brain on permanent repeat.
Perhaps I'll get a forehead tattoo that says FABULOUS and then the voice in my head will put a sock in it.
Or maybe I'll just sock the person in the head who said it all in the first place.
Failure
Unsuccessful
Stupid
Disappointment
Those are just a handful of the newly uninvited tattoos I was given last week. In the midst of being informed this is what someone thought of me, I knew it was untrue, but that didn't make the blow any less painful. All week I started my day thinking of those four words. They became my daily repetition of insults on my own personal being. The words just floated around in my skull like a dog that never stops barking; loud, uncontrollable, and obnoxious as hell.
I wish I could say that I had some revelation and figured out how to kick the words out of my ears, but I haven't. They've quieted, I can say that much, but there is still that person sitting there in the back of my brain on permanent repeat.
Perhaps I'll get a forehead tattoo that says FABULOUS and then the voice in my head will put a sock in it.
Or maybe I'll just sock the person in the head who said it all in the first place.
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